What the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought everything would be different by now, that I would be DIFFERENT.
I’m SO ANGRY with myself I could ALMOST cry…
It all started excellent. An afternoon eating cake with my new friends: laughs that I missed right now, hugs that make my heart ache, lots and lots of cake that filled our tummies, and compliments that made my soul jump up and down.
Then, by night things got a little bit different. I had Salsa lessons, and basically, I thought I knew better. Apparently, I still have that complex that kids usually have when they think they are almighty, and capable of anything. I thought my dance abilities would at least be ACCEPTABLE. I was deeply wrong.
I’m incapable of following the rhythm. I had so many mistakes I got thoroughly mad with myself for being that MEDIOCRE that in the very minute the class was over I grabbed my stuff and left without looking back, leaving my friends behind. I needed to get out of there before I exploded in front of everyone.
I’m FURIOUS. I’m tired and literally hungry.
And most of all I thought I’d past this. I thought I’d stopped thinking like this.: trying to be PERFECT all the time. It’s like all the work I’ve done with my therapist was for nothing. I’m mad for being mad right now. I’m afraid this would mean a big step backwards.
I didn’t think Salsa would mean all this: a sort battlefield in which my different personalities fight each other while people surrounding me wondered if I’m crazy or just a spoiled brat.
To finish, my brother was in charge of walking me home from the bus stop. Not only did he not even say a miserable ‘Hello’ but he also walk way ahead of me talking with a friend and not even glanced at me to see if I was Ok or what. When I had the first opportunity I told him to go watch the pretty lilies grow.
Now that I’ve had my catharsis I’m embarrassed for the way I acted, because I let myself lose control.
